Date: Thu, 16 Dec 1999 23:03:05 -0000
Reply-To: David Clark <DavidClark@HUMBERONIA.FREESERVE.CO.UK>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: David Clark <DavidClark@HUMBERONIA.FREESERVE.CO.UK>
Subject: (F) No Vanagon content
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"
It's nearly Friday and I'm off the net for the next couple of days, so I got
to post my funny to you today.
The following extracts are perfectly genuine - taken from actual
letters sent to the DHSS (Social Security UK). Although rather crude
they are written in good faith by the senders." :
**
Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
**
Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done as
my wife is about to become an expectant mother.
**
I want some repairs doing to my cooker as it backfired and burnt
my knob off.
**
The toilet is blocked and we can't bath the children until it is
cleared.
**
The man next door has a large erection in his back garden which
is unsightly and dangerous.
**
Will you please send someone to mend our broken path as my wife
tripped and fell on it and she is now pregnant.
**
Our kitchen floor is very damp and we have two children and we would
like a third so will you please send somebody round to do something
about it.
**
Would you please repair our toilet. My son pulled the chain and
the box fell on his head.
**
Mrs. Smith has no clothes and has had none for over a year. The
clergy have been visiting her.............
**
I need money to buy special medicine for my husband as he is
unable to masturbate his food.
**
In reply to your letter, I have already cohabited with your officer
with no results so far.
**
I am pleased to inform you that my husband who was reported missing,
is dead.
**
Mrs. Adams has asked me to collect her money as she is going in to
hospital to have her overtures out.
**
Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children - one
of which is a mistake as you will see.
**
My husband is diabetic and has to take insolence regular but he
finds he is lethargic to it.
**
Unless I get my husbands maintenance money soon I shall be obliged
to live an immortal life.
**
The children have been off school because there is a lot of measles
about and I had them humanised.
**
Please forward my money at once as I have fallen into errors with
my landlord and milkman.
**
You have changed my little boy into a little girl. Will this
> matter?
**
Mrs Brown only THINKS she's ill, but believe me she is nothing but a
hypodermic.
**
In accordance with your instructions I have given birth to twins in
the enclosed envelope.
**
I want my sick pay quick. I have been in bed under the doctor for a
week and he is doing me no good. If things don't improve I shall
get another doctor.
**
I do not get any money from my son. he is in the army and his
regiment is at present manuring on Salisbury plain.
**
Milk is wanted for my baby and the father is unable to supply it.
**
Re your dental enquiry. The teeth on top are alright but those on
my bottom are hurting dreadfully.
**
I am very annoyed to find you have branded my son illiterate.
This is a lie as I married his father a week before he was born.
**
I am sorry I omitted to put down all my children's names. This was
due to contraceptional circumstances.
**
I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when
he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
**
The lavatory is blocked. This is caused by the boys next door
throwing balls on the roof.
**
This is to let you know there is a smell coming from the man next
door.
**
The toilet seat is cracked - where do I stand?
Happy Christmas all!
David Clark
1985 VW Autosleeper VHT 1.9 2WD
www.soft.net.uk/vwt2oc
{see members rides}
1960 Humber Super Snipe Estate 3L
www.humberonia.freeserve.co.uk
1985 Fiat Uno 1.1L automatic {wife's}
