Date:         Fri, 3 Dec 1999 17:43:30 -0500
Reply-To:     Jason M Yasment <vanagon@NYCAP.RR.COM>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Jason M Yasment <vanagon@NYCAP.RR.COM>
Subject:      Fw: Santa's New Contract
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"

Merry XMAS!

----- Original Message -----
From: "Yasment, Jason (CRD, Proliant Consulting)" <yasment@crd.ge.com>
To: <jyasment@nycap.rr.com>
Sent: Friday, December 03, 1999 7:17 AM
Subject: FW: Santa's New Contract


>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Julie Yasment [mailto:JYasment@csarchpc.com]
> Sent: Thursday, December 02, 1999 2:52 PM
> To: Yasment, Jason (CRD, Proliant Consulting)
> Subject: FW: Santa's New Contract
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Anele Dzekciorius
> Sent: Wednesday, December 01, 1999 6:02 PM
> To: Lynn Dunning-Vaughn; Julie Yasment; Rosemarie Carangelo; Maria
> Sciocchetti; Diane Stein
> Subject: FW: Santa's New Contract
>
>
>
> Everyone ready for Christmas?!?!?!
>
>
> Subject: Santa's New Contract
>
> Santa's New Contract
> I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be
> able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve.  Due to the
> overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
> re-negotiated
> by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209.
> I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and
>
> Michigan.  As part of the new and better contract I also get longer
> breaks
> for milk and cookies so keep that in mind.  However, I'm certain your
> children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens
> to
> be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.  His side of the family is from the
> South
> Pole.  He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and
> girls;
> however, there are a few differences between us.
> Differences such as:
> 1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba
> Claus.
>  He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that reads:
> "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
> 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
> leave
> an
> RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace.  And Bubba
> doesn't
> smoke a pipe.  He dips a little snuff though, so please have an empty
> spit
> cup handy.
> 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
> instead
> of reindeer.  I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of my reindeer
> one
> time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's fireplace.
> 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen ..."
> when
> Bubba Claus arrives.  Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on Wallace,
> on
> Martin and Labonte.  On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott and Petty."
> 5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!"  And you also are
> likely
> to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
> 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does
> have
> a
> Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back off" The
> last
> I heard it also had other decorations on the sleigh back as well.  One
> is a
> Ford or Chevy logo with lights that race through the letters and the
> other
> is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the Tooth Fairy.
> 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
> Street"
> and
> "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated viewing
> area.
>  Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and the
> Bandit
> IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol
> cars
> crashing into each other.
> 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt.  If I were you, I'd make sure
> you,
> the
> wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put presents
>
> under the tree.
> 9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me like
>
> "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is
> Coming
> to Town."  This year songs about Bubba Claus will be played on all the
> AM
> radio stations in the South.  Those song titles will be Mark Chesnutt's
> "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox" and "Grandma Got Run'd Over by a
> Reindeer."
>
> Sincerely Yours, Santa Claus (member of North American Fairies and Elves
>
> Local 209)
>