Date: Fri, 16 Jul 1999 08:40:05 -0500
Reply-To: Joel Walker <jwalker@BAMA.UA.EDU>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Joel Walker <jwalker@BAMA.UA.EDU>
Subject: Re: Vanagon Anonymous 12 Steps (F)
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii
> 1. We admitted we were powerless over the effects of
> our addiction to vanagons, that our lives had become
> unmanageable.
i ain't admitting no sech thing! with unlimited money, ALL
things become "manageable". just ask Billy Gates!
> 2. Came to believe that a power greater than our
> vanagons could restore us to sanity.
this presumes facts not in evidence: to wit, that we WANT to
be "restored" to sanity, which presumes that at some point
in our lives, we had BEEN sane. i haven't met a "sane" bus
owner yet!!
> 3. Made a decision to turn our vanagons over
> to the care of God as we understand God.
God the Mechanic?? so now a Holy Roller is that little
creeper that God gets under the bus on? or is this simply
"deus ex machina"?? :)
> 4. Made a searching and fearless inventory
> of all the problems with out vanagons, and wrote out a
> "to do" list.
"fearless" inventory? you mean i gotta go look under the
front seats and under that (shudder!) back seat, too!!?????
not to mention my garage/carport/kitchen-cabinets!
> 5. Admitted to God, to our selves, and to another human
> being the exact nature of our vanagons' problems.
well, sure: money. that's the exact nature of all our
problems. just think: if any one of us had Bill Gates'
money, they could buy VW and start importing Vanagons from
South Africa. or build a plant over here!!!
> 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these
> defects from our vanagons, including leaky head
> gaskets.
ok, so where's this God the Mechanic have his shop? is this
some california thing, or is he a franchise operation spread
across the country? and how much does he charge for
diagnosis and labor? what other marques does he work on? if
i see one old british sports car, i ain't taking my bus in
there!
> 7. Humbly asked God to remove our vanagons' shortcomings.
hmmmm. i don't usually like mechanics that 're-engineer'
things on my bus. makes me nervous. besides, if i go
cross-country, am i gonna be able to find another shop
that's willing to work on it?
> 8. Made a list of all vanagomn parts we had harmed trying
> to fix our vanagons and became willing to make amends
> to them all.
now, wait a minute. if it's God the Mechanic, shouldn't that
be "willing to make AMENS"??? or are we breaking this
religious symbol business down into the separate icons now:
Saint Wrench, Saint Vacuum Pump, and so forth? this could
cause all sorts of future problems. :(
> 9. Made direct amends to such parts wherever possible,
> except when to do so would injure them or others.
ok, now you've got me worried: so we're praying and offering
burnt sacrifices to PARTS now? we have to burn incense
before an alter of oil filters? or chant our mantra over the
head gaskets before installing them?
> 10. Continued to take inventory of our vanagon
> knowledge and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
well, sure. why do you think cursing was invented? to
"properly admit" when you were wrong and hit your thumb
instead of the bolt. :)
> 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve
> our vanagons, and the power to carry it out.
so you weren't really sleeping on the creeper after all?
just praying and meditating, right? but i get charged for it
anyway, right?
> 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these
> steps, we tried to carry this message to others vanagon
> owners who still suffer, and to practise these principles in
> all our vanagon related affairs.
does this mean we have to stand in those booths in the
airports and hand out flowers to passers-by? do we have to
shave our heads and wear those silly vw white coats? or do
we get to go to the local bierhaus and imbide as we search
for and seek out those sufferers? i mean, where do YOU think
sufferers are gonna be more likely to be found? i'd bet in
the bars, seeking liquid solice for their troubles. :)
besides, i only got ten fingers. well, nine and a half (long
story). i think it needs revision ... Moses only got ten.
twelve is two too many ... i haven't been able to count that
high since i started wearing shoes.
:)
unca joel
IT'S FRIDAY (at least where i'm sleeping!)
