Date:         Mon, 04 Sep 95 09:55:13 CDT
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@vanagon.com>
From:         Joel Walker <JWALKER@ua1vm.ua.edu>
Subject:      ha! and you thought Friday was over!  ... :)

i found this on another car-related mailing list, and somehow it seemed
somewhat appropriate. ;)


         By   W. H. Charnock (an English poet)
         Horseless Savages
         1952

  COUNSEL TO MAIDENS

 Oh damsel fair, beware the car
 Where seating space is wider far
 Than any man of reason needs
 Except to further his misdeeds;
 The steering-column change eschew,
 No good can come of it for you,
 And likewise any motor shun
 From which you can't bale out and run.

 Let maiden modesty decide
 To take a summer evening ride
 In something of the vintage breed,
 For virtue's friend was ever speed.
 No vulpine sibilance can come
 From guileless lips of vintage chum,
 With passion he is never dizzy,
 (His motor keeps him far too busy)
 And vintage bucket seats preclude
 The acrobatic interlude.

 Nor can he sit you in the back,
 For there a Jerrican, a jack,
 An inner tube, some oily rags,
 A pair of mouldy flannel bags,
 A grease gun, several tattered maps,
 Dead bottles left by other chaps,
 A tow rope and a grimy glove
 Leave not a lot of room for love.

 Don Juan hands it to his betters
 To flirt with triple carburettors,
 And modern Casanovas thrive
 On ultrhydramatic drive,
 But vintage bod of stark appearance
 Gives his poppets ample clearance,
 He keeps his honour engine-bright,
 Is never loose and seldome tight.

 And should the half-elliptic ride
 Bring bruise to tender underside,
 Those precious nylons go to hell
 Among the spanners in the well,
 And gearbox cast a blob or two
 On tiny white and cherished shoe,
 These are but little things to pay
 For being out of Danger's way,
 The while you blind to Kingdom Come
 And back again intact, to Mum.

 The trouble is, the vintage brew
 At length may prove too strong for you,
 And if with him you ride a lot,
 You'll end by marrying the clot.

 So, all in all, it seems to us
 You're safer riding on a bus.


Other works by the same author were
EPHEMERID, DOWN IN THE SUMPS (out of print in '52),
and UNBALANCED CRANKS (not yet published in '52).

Unbalanced Cranks?? sounds like some of the folks on the bus/vanagon
list!!!! :)

unca joel
<the ONLY balanced crank in the whole lot!> :)