Date: Tue, 12 Feb 2002 12:15:58 -0800
Reply-To: Tobin Copley <tobin.copley@UBC.CA>
Sender: Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From: Tobin Copley <tobin.copley@UBC.CA>
Subject: Vanagon Olympics [was: Robbed !]
In-Reply-To: <000001c1b394$b7dc89e0$14a6fea9@pacbell.net>
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At 11:13 PM -0800 2/11/02, Al Knoll wrote:
>If you have to keep score it's a game.
>
>If you need a judge it's a pastime.
>
>If you need several judges it's a sham.
>
>The only real sports are motor racing, bull fighting and extreme skiing, all
>the others are mere games, or worse.
Indeed! Let's start the Ist Vanagon Olympiad. Since the Olympics
are such an enormous corporate cash cow, we should easily be able to
get massive Corp. sponsorship--enough for Vanagon calendars for
everybody!
The Opening ceremonies would have hundreds of rusty dented Vanagons
from all over the world filing into a huge stadium. The track would
soon be slick with leaky oil and spilt antifreeze. The American
vanagons would be so plastered with American flag bumper stickers
they wouldn't need to carry a separate flag. The climax of the
ceremony would be the lighting of the Olympic flame, in which a
screaming young man would run into the stadium on fire because he
spilled gasoline on his hot trouble lamp while replacing a rusty gas
tank. He would run up a long flight of stairs and jump into a
Vanagon high up on a pedestal--it would instantly burst into flames
when a shorting starter circuit ignites the leaky high-pressure fuel
lines. Very moving.
Over the next week, events would include:
Breaker bar competition:
------------------------
Removing the big rear wheel nut using an 18" breaker bar (women's
competition uses a 24" breaker bar).
Vanagon push-start competition:
-------------------------------
A two person team must push start a fully laden syncro Westfalia on a
100m track. In the final medal competition, this is done uphill on a
2% incline.
Stalled Vanagon Super-G slalom:
-------------------------------
A fully laden Syncro Westfalia idles at the start gate until, at the
start signal, the coil wire is pulled. A two person team pushes the
Vanagon off the start platform to a running start, then hops in and
pilots the Vanagon down a steep and twisty 3 km roadway without power
steering or power brakes. The passenger is in charge of the hand
brake.
Stalled Vanagon Skeleton "luge":
-------------------------------
Using the same course and configuration as the Super-G above, only
the engine is placed in neutral and the shift linkage uncoupled.
Transmission bench press:
-------------------------
Removing the transmission from the car single-handedly without the
aid of a floor jack. A bent input shaft results in disqualification.
Diesel crankshaft bolt removal:
-------------------------------
Remove a stuck crankshaft bolt from a Vanagon diesel engine with the
engine still in the car. Only standard hand tools permitted (Lower
category may permit removal of oil pan and use of a 2x4 with a time
handicap).
Air-cooled pushrod tube removal and reinstallation:
---------------------------------------------------
No tools other than those used to remove valve covers and rocker arm
assembly permitted. Points lost for denting the tubes. Covert use
of duct-tape wrapping on tubes results in instant disqualification.
I know there are other competitions, only I can't remember them all
now. If anyone else can think of any I've forgotten, please chime in!
T.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tobin Copley Bowen Island, BC, Canada 49deg 23'N-123deg 19'W
'82 Westfalia 1.6L NA diesel ("Stinky")
'97 son Russell =============
'99 daughter Margaret /_| |_L| |__|:| clatter
SPEED KILLS! {. .| clatter!
Drive a Vanagon diesel ~-()-==----()-~
