Date:         Fri, 18 May 2001 10:31:21 +0200
Reply-To:     Nigel Bennett <NigelB@foschini.co.za>
Sender:       Vanagon Mailing List <vanagon@gerry.vanagon.com>
From:         Nigel Bennett <NigelB@foschini.co.za>
Subject:      It's Friday !
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1"

> This one's old but good.....
>
> This is for all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you
> just
> need to take it out on someone! Don't take that bad day out on someone you
>
> know, take it out on someone you don't know!
>
> Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I
> had
> to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying,
> "Hello?"
>
> I politely said, "This is Bobby Carpenter and could
> I please speak to Melissa Lewis?"
>
> Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone
> could be that rude. I tracked down Melissa's correct number and called
> her.
> She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with
> Melissa, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I
> decided
> to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled
> "You're a
> jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word
> "jackass,"
> and put it in my desk drawer.
>
> Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,
> Id
> call him up. He'd answer, and Id yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always
>
> cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID.
> This
> was a real disappointment for me; I would have to stop calling the
> jackass.
>
> Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice,
> "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone
> company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID
> program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
>
> I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"
> The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if
> there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about it.
>
> Just dial 402-8863.
>
> A little background as to why: I was waiting to park at the mall and an
> elderly lady took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't
> think
> she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she
> started
> to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her
>
> plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All
> of a
> sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the parking aisle in the wrong
> direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling,
>
> "You cant just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy got out of his
> Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't
> even
> hear me. I thought to myself, This guys a jackass. There are sure a lot of
>
> jackasses in the world.
>
> Then I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I
> wrote down the number and I hunted for another place to park. A couple of
> days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the
> phone
> after calling 402-8863 and yelling, "You're jackass!" (Its really easy to
> call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone
> number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I
> better
> call this guy too. He answered the phone and said, "Hello."
>
> I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
>
> "Yes, it is."
>
> "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
>
> "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. Its a yellow house and the cars
> parked
> right out front."
>
> I said, "What's your name?"
> "My name is Don Hansen."
>
> "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
>
> "I'm home in the evenings."
>
> "Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
>
> "Yes."
>
> "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
>
> After I hung up, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a
> while
> things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had
> two
> jackasses to call. Then, after a while of calling the jackasses and
> hanging
> up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
>
> I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
> First, I
> had my phone dial Jackass #1. The man answered nicely saying, "Hello." I
> yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
>
> The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
>
> I said, "Yeah."
>
> He said, "Stop calling me."
>
> I said, "No."
>
> He said, "What's your name, pal?"
>
> I said, "Don Hansen."
>
> He said "Where do you live?"
>
> "1802 West 34th Street. Its a yellow house and my black Camero's parked
> out front."
>
> "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers."
>
> "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
>
> Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello, Jackass!"
>
> He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>
> "You'll what?"
>
> "Ill kick your ass."
>
> "Well, heres your chance. I'm coming right over, Jackass!" And I hung up.
>
> Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at
> 1802
> West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he
> got home.
>
> Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going down on W. 34th
> Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to
>
> watch the whole thing. Glorious! Watching two jackasses beating the crap
> out
> of each other in front of six squad cars and a police helicopter was one
> of
> the greatest experiences of my life!
>